an open letter to steve jobs

Dear Steve,

I've been extremely fond of you from the moment I sat down in front of a Mac in the early '90s. You are, without a doubt, one of the most influential figures in the world today. As you might remember, an interviewer once asked you what the difference is between a Mac and the 'ol Big Blue. You responded; "Why do some people become bankers and others become poets?" Upon reading this, I melted. After using a Mac more I became rather fascinated by you, so I looked into you further. Here are a few things I have learned about you over the years and my thoughts:

- You and Steve Wozniak first went into business to build blue boxes that would hook people up with free long distance. This earns you pirate points with me.

- Back in the day you only ate fruit, did a lot of hallucinogens, and walked around barefoot while trying to sell people on your vision of Apple. Now, a lot of people would dismiss you as just another damn hippy, but because I noted you took a sojourn to India and have a Beatles' reference as your company name, I have viewed this as your Sgt. Pepper phase. I'm down with it.

- You remain the lowest paid CEO. Cool.

- Pixar… Need I say more?

What I'm trying to say here, is that I was with you, man. I was with you from day one. I want to be with you for life, but we've hit a snag in our relationship. I feel as though you aren't satisfying me these days as much as you are frustrating the fuck out of me. Seriously, Steve, do you have to go so small and so rapidly?

First there's the tiny ipod Shuffle, then you've got the ipod Nano, the Mac Book, and now Mac Book Air. I'm still on the fucking Shuffle, Steve! Please allow me time, or share some resources, so I can catch up with your genius. Back in the day, I'd be so happy to encounter Mac users. Now? Now I want to smash their faces in and steal their Mac Book. I'm pissed and I'm jealous over people who have your products, Steve, because I am a HUGE fan and I don't have them.

I don't have them, Steve. You have alienated people like me, and it's a shame. I want to support you 100%, but right now – as the Mac Book Air publicity flurry is all around me – I am hatin' on you like I am hatin' on everyone who has a Mac Book, or will soon have a Mac Book Air.

Slow down, Steve. Let me catch up…

Best regards,

Holly

p.s. because i am pissed at you i now find THIS funny.